I just cut my nipple shaving
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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