Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
