I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
