btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
