You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
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is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
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Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize