Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
