shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
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