He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize