Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
