I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
