I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
