yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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