16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
