I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
