piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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