Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the day after is always just damage control
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
