I heard we made out
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Even my vagina gasped.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
