I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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