I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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