Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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