Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
