Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
