You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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