bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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