Dual....:-)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
