maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
