I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
