upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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