Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
