Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
this hospital has no fireball
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
