SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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