But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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