ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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