he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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