This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
