Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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