he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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