I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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