note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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