I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
