I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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