I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Randomize
