it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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