is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
