dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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