Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
