Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
farters have to be the big spoon...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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