I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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