Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
