I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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