but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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