just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
