Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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