My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
