we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
