Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
