He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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