I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
