im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
