I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
