And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
