During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I want her autograph on my taint
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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