So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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