Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
