u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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