you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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