so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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