I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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