Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
