Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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