Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
