Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
