Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
