Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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