If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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