We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
