he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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